My first try of running away from home was when I was 11.
I was stubborn, and sensitive and always thought that my parents love my sisters and brothers more than me. (At that age, who wouldn't anyway?!). I thought of running away few times, but never actually done it. Until few days before our family's Perhentian vacation. I was scolded for something that I did and was threatened to be left alone at an aunty's place, and my huge ego hurt badly.
So I planned my escape.
I would leave once my family left for Perhentian. They wouldn't care anyway. They wouldn't even remember me as they have four other children with them. They won't even miss me much. So I thought.
So on the day they were supposed to leave for Perhentian, I went to school as usual, but wasn't in a very good mood the whole day. I tore a page of a diary and wrote a note for my parents, saying the cliche things like ..tak akan lupakan ayah dan mak and jangan bimbang miyyah pandai jaga diri sort of things. I folded the note and slipped it inside my school bag, with a plan to leave it somewhere before I leave.
Little that I know that I would leave for Perhentian right after school. Hehe.
So of course the plan was thwarted. I was cooled down by the fact they'd forgiven me and love me still, so that's why I was dragged along to Perhentian. So terpujuk hati sendirilah.
Unfortunately, I left my school bag at my aunt's place and forgot to throw away the note. And having some very naughty cousins with detective-like attitude didn't help either. By the time I came back from the happy holiday, I found out that a couzin of mine (who happened to be a year older and went to the same school) found the note-ye dia selongkar beg aku- and spread the words to everyone who would listen.
Yes, everyone. Including those at school. The worst part was that he memorised what I'd written and threatened me the whole year.
And yes I went through hell. And back.
(Oh actually went through hell again when my brother double crossed me the same year by passing my love note that I wrote at home to a guy in my class and it resulted the worst rejection ever.)
But that's another story to tell. For another day.
My point is, even after 20 years, I still have the thought of running away. And this time, it scares me even more knowing that I. might. actually. do. it.