Tuesday, March 31, 2009

I'm tired of running away. It has always been the same - the same feet, the same shoes, the same trackbottom, the same shirt, the same scarf, the same reasons.

Why is it so hard for me to face them up front? Why do I keep on making excuses on things happening to me? Why do I mend my heart by putting blames on others? Why do I keep on creating lies after lies after lies just to compensate myself? Why do I have to be such a selfish snob?

I keep on pushing them aside, and keep on creating reasons to rationalize the decisions. It has always been about other people, but myself. It's them who are in the wrong, not me. For them have always been the reasons, the blames, the obstacles, the blocks I've faced in life. It has never been me. It's them.

Why can't I face the fact that running away won't solve anything? Why do I always give up before I even start? Why do I always ended up a failure? And when the guilt struck, there's nothing I can do about it. Or should I say, there's nothing I want to do about it.

Congratulations, everyone. You've just witnessed a loser at her best.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Aku rasa dia sudah mandrem aku.

Kalau tak takkanlah semua yang dia cakap aku angguk je. Semua yang dia mahu aku setuju aje, tanpa fikir panjang.

Oh dia sangat berpengaruh. Sangat-sangat berpengaruh untuk swingkan vote aku.

Dan kerana mandrem dia lepas jumpa tadi, aku terus angguk-angguk saja sepanjang hari. Tak boleh geleng-geleng.

Dan kurang setengah jam aku terus setuju untuk ikut dia untuk workshop percuma di Kota Kemuning. Dan terus juga setuju untuk ke Vietnam 4 hari Mei nanti.

Aku betul-betul rasa dia sudah mandrem aku.

Aku harus lebih hati2 lepas ni.

(dan kalian harus lebih hati2 bila dapat supervisor macam ni).

Thursday, March 19, 2009

If only robots have hearts,

would they be as black as mine?

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

She dreamt of running away to Spain
and under the sunny sight of Alhambra
she met a man of no face
and he proposed.

She thought he was perfect
for he's the man
of no face.

and in the deepest corner of her heart
she prayed
that this story would not have
another sad ending.

But the story has ended
as abruptly as it has started
when she woke up.

It's painful to have your dream be put on hold
but it is even scarier to have a heart without a soul.