Wednesday, December 31, 2008

All I aim for next year is to finish my thesis by March. And get a job that allows me to further for Phd (overseas) soonest possible.

And for that purpose alone I'm going to put myself in hibernating mode for the next three months.

(though I still aim for other things, but for the time being, the above being my priority.)

And the good thing about putting myself in lots of stress is that I don't have time to even think about other things.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

There are so many things jumbling up my head right now that I wish I could spill everything out at one go. But I can't. Because I don't know where to begin, and where to end it. I was so stressed last week that I almost burst into tears every few minutes. I felt so fragile that I thought I could squash myself into pieces. I tried sharing, I did, but what I managed to share was not even half of what I'm going through. I tried to cheer myself up, but to no avail. I tried eating my way out, but the foods were tasteless. The pressure from work was one thing, and the pressure to come out on top is another. But the confusion and the frustration that I felt overlapped everything else. I thought I was ready for everything, but when the news broke, I realised that I was ready for nothing.

At one point, I'm not even sure how I should feel, or how I should react to the news. And I'm not even sure how my sisters react/ed to it. We haven't discussed about it properly tho.

Even then, the decision has been made, and it seems final. So what else can I say? Oh. Well. I don't have a say anyway.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

"So have you checked your result yet?"
"Not yet. I couldn't open the website!"

She smiled.

"Soooo... what did I get prof hehe.."
"What do you think you get? What do you expect from me?"
"Hahaha.. if you ask me, of course I expect an A haha. But which A you wanna give me I don't know la haha"
"Waaaaaa... you're so confident of getting an A..."
"Erm.. not so la Prof.. but I know I worked hard on it, and I think I deserved one.."

She smiled. Wide.

Thank you Prof!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008


Hardcore Junkie (61% - 80%)
While you do get a bit of sleep every night and sometimes leave the house, you spend as much time as you can online. You usually have a browser, chat clients, server consoles, and your email on auto check open at all times. Phone? What's that? You plan your social events by contacting your friends online. Just be careful you don't get a repetitive wrist injury...

The Quiz at Quiz Meme!

Symptoms of Internet Addiction

1. Using online services everyday without any skipping.

I HAVE to be online everyday, even if it's only meant for email checking (even when I'm not expecting any email). I don't have PDA, so if I don't have my laptop, I'd check my email through my phone.

2. Losing track of time after making a connection.

Yes, I do. And I kept on postponing other chores once I got lost online.

3. Going out less and less.

Tell me about it! There's a reason why friends said it's easier to find me online than to find me through me phone ya

4. Spending less and less time on meals at home or at work, and eating in front of the monitor.

Skipping meals is normal. Although I still limit myself to only drinking + munching in front of the pc. Nothing heavy though.

5. Denying spending too much time on the Net.


6. Others complaining of your spending too much time in front of the monitor.

Erm. All in the family are addictive as well, so no one's complaining.

7. Checking on your mailbox too many times a day.

I have my automatic email detection installed for both of my email addresses so that I know who sent me email the moment I'm online.

8. Thinking you have the greatest website in the world and dying to give people your URL.

Yes, I do think this is the greatest website of the world, but am not dying to give others the URL. For Miyyah@Kertas, maybe. But for this one, I would rather remain cold n untouchable.,

9. Logging onto the Net while already busy at work.


10. Sneaking online when spouse or family members are not at home, with a sense of relief.

USED to do this. Not anymore (thanks to wireless services!)

Saturday, December 13, 2008

I think I'm getting spookier.

I always know that I am a good stalker, but I never know that I would be this GREAT haha. And facebook has given me such authority to find people. Especially people that I used to go to school with. Everybody is now in the mood to find long-lost friends, and so do I. It feels good to finally being able to keep in touch with old friends of 15-18 years. It feels good to be able to rekindle old friendships again. It feeds my curiousity to know what what's going on with everybody's lives with just a mouse click away. It feels addictive to know what happened to everyone - whether they are on facebook - whether they still keep in touch with other 6 degree people that you know and whether they still look the same. It will never fail to bring smile to your face whenever you see their latest pictures, and lamented how they've changed over the years, personally or physically.

I found a runaway friend on facebook and it feels good to connect him to others who still care about him. I found a long-lost crush, and I finally knew that he's now married, and blessed with an adorable girl (he's still as good looking as he used to be ages ago :P). I found my buddies in primary school, who calls me by my full name and vice versa, just because it feels good to tell each other that we still remember, of even the weird spellings of our names.

And it's funny how you would secretly criticize them physically - without ever mentioning it to them. You would be curious and wondering why the then school hunks are now unrecognisable - and why the nerdy ones are so different now that you wish you could turn back time and flirted with them instead haha.

How I wish that I could be in that moment again. This time around, there's nothing more I would change, as all I wanted is to cherish everything I used to have.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Aku nak hempap kepala sendiri kat laptop boleh?

Supaya aku cepat bangun dan tidak buta mata lagi.