Thursday, June 14, 2007

I'm a freak. I planned my whole life since I was 15. I have Plan A, B, C - Z of what I want to do in my life. I planned to finish my studies by 23. I planned to have my own car by 24. And my own house by 27. And my masters before I turned 30. And an established job by 32. And a PhD before 35. And my own montessory/bookcafe business before 45.

The list would go on and on of what I wanted to do and what I've achieved. Yes, I did finish my studies by 23. Yes, I did have my own car by 24. But I still haven't had the house. The masters is on the way but it would be a year lapsed from the original plan. And the rest are still nowhere in sight. A freak, am I not? :)

But this was not part of the plan. I didn't plan to resign, I didn't even plan to move again. I found peace here. What else would I want? I have my family, a good job (and numerous job offers), great friends, bargained goods, great delicacies etc. I even planned to further my studies here, if possible. I planned never to leave again. But hey, God's plan is way better than mine.

There are choices to make. To do or not to do. To have or not to have. To be or not to be. There are times when choices are made through some considerations but some are made in forces. The last time I made such a huge choice was when I chose to move back to Terengganu. I didn't regret that. Nor did I regret making a choice this time around, though the decision is made NOT using any deep thought ha ha. I simply had to do it. I can't remember which plan it is now.. E? K? Y? Ha ha.

Sometimes I do wish I don't plan everything in my life. It can be really depressing haha. Do you?

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

It has always been hard to say goodbye. It has always been difficult for me to accept that things will never be the same as before. When I was first been brokenhearted by someone I love dearly, it took me one whole week to finally feel the pang of it and broke down and cried. And it took ages to wake up and walk again. It has always been difficult- of losing someone, but people say you'll survive still.

It's never the same this time around. This is the most difficult goodbye I've ever been through. The fear is not the same. The emptiness, the loss, the loneliness of losing are things I never thought would pain this much. Its like you lost a part of your soul. And it would never come back.

We lost her. Our only mum had left us on the evening of 28th May.

Yes, I did cry. But no, I didn't break down, weeping my heart out. Mum would never approve of that. She made us promised once - to accept whatever happens with open heart, no matter how hard it will be. And that's what I intend to do. Hopefully.

I'm going to do Masters this July at Shah Alam and am going to resign from my current job in KT. Dad will be moving to Shah Alam too, and both of us will stay at Kak Yong's. Perhaps it will be a good thing to do. Plus, we're going to be closer to my mum, and would be able to 'visit' her at Bukit Kiara frequently.

Everything would be fine, InsyaAllah.